The READY Method Blog

Play Ball! What Kids in Sports Want from Their Parents and Coaches

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 21:42:00 -0500

By Cynthia A. Frosch, PhD

I attended the Society for Research in Child Development conference this year in Denver, Colorado. Over 6500 attended the event and learned about the latest research on children’s development. As I walked around the exhibit hall, a certain poster caught my eye. The poster, presented by Dr. Jens Omli of the Institute of Child Development at the University of Minnesota, was entitled “Kids Speak: Child Preferences for Coach and Parent Behavior at Youth Sport Events.” Now, having tried out the role of soccer mom with my son when he was 3 and 4, I was particularly intrigued by the title. Talking to Dr. Omli, he quoted former Major League Baseball player, Earl Wilson:

“For the parents, a Little League game is a nervous breakdown divided into innings.”

That’s how I felt about each week’s soccer game.

In Plano, Texas where we live, sports are a very big thing for young children. And despite my deepest knowing of who my child is and what activities bring him joy, when my husband enthusiastically presented the idea of our son joining a peewee soccer team I said, “Ok, if you take the lead.” But that didn’t happen. Late nights at work, working on the weekends, and missed practices meant that the daddy-son bonding experience that I envisioned turned into a trial run as “soccer mom” for me. And I was absolutely no good at the role.

For one, the idea of rewarding children with candy, treats, and snacks (otherwise known as “incentives”) just did not work for me. Call me an idealist, but I thought the motivation to play should come from within. Second, I had a hard time convincing my child exactly why soccer would be fun for him. Honestly, he was more interested in tying his Thomas the Tank EngineTM trains onto the goal net. Third, my son was completely confused by the notion of chasing people to take something away from them (what about sharing?) and I was at a loss for how to sell the game and the idea of “competition” to a 3-year-old. This improved somewhat during practices when the coach created engaging games like “sharks and minnows,” but during the actual games, there was just no way that my son was going to get his body in the way of some other child (who, by the way wasn’t a shark OR a minnow) with the explicit goal of taking something away.

Those two soccer seasons were filled with challenging times and a few good laughs, yet for a variety of reasons, I couldn’t seem to let go. In READY Method language, I read and Responded to my son’s signals but I failed to Yield. I have little sense of how my son recalls his first soccer experience but for me, it was a growth opportunity to say the least. You can imagine my relief when my son decided to forgo soccer the next season. I stopped thinking about divorce. And our family had our weekends free.

Now, two years later, my son’s interest in playing sports is 100% his own. In fact, it was his idea to join an after-school sports program. Amazing Athletes with Coach Travis has become the highlight of his week. No encouragement, praise, bribing, cajoling, or pep talks needed from me. What a difference a few years and intrinsic motivation make.

When I discovered Dr. Omli’s poster at the research conference in April, I was intrigued to find that someone was actually conducting research on parents’ and coaches’ behaviors and the impact they have on children who play sports. The goal of the Kids Speak project was to understand what 7-14-year-old children really want and need from their parents and coaches.

Dr. Omli described 3 different kinds of parenting approaches evident during kids’ sporting events – Hostile-Intrusive, Supportive, and Distracted. These dimensions are remarkably similar to the dimensions we have found in our own research on parent-child interaction. We have described hostile-intrusive, warm-supportive, and detached or disengaged patterns (much like the distracted style Dr. Omli noted.) Apparently, these “styles” apply to parents’ behaviors during sporting events as well. In Dr. Omli’s work, Distracted parents talked on their cell phones, read magazines, or talked to other parents. In other words, they weren’t focused on their child or the game. Sound familiar? How would you describe your own parenting approach?

Here are the Top 10 Things Kids Want Parents to Do at Youth Sport Events:

Go to their games and watch them play.
Tell them that they did a good job.
Clap after their team does something good.
Encourage them after the game if their team lost.
Encourage them while they are playing.
Control their own emotions.
Say “good try” if they make a mistake.
Bring treats for them and their teammates.
Take pictures or video of the game while they play.
Compliment the umpire or referee if they make a good call.

Top 15 Things Kids DO NOT Want Parent to do at Youth Sports Events:

Tell them to break the rules.
Swear or say “bad words” loud enough for them to hear.
Say mean things to the other team.
Yell at them if they make a mistake.
Argue with parents from the other team.
Walk onto the field during the game.
Get angry if their team is losing.
Tell the coach what to do.
Complain if the other team is ahead by too much.
Blame a game their team lost on the umpire or referee.
Yell at the referee or umpire if they make a bad call.
Say “oh come on, you can do better than that!”
Whistle at them to get their attention.
Read a newspaper or magazine during the game.
Wave at them to get their attention during the game.

In summary, Dr. Omli points out the children prefer their parents to play the role of “supportive parents” rather than “demanding coaches” and “crazed fans.” So the next time you are watching a little league game, focus on supporting your child rather than demanding perfection or going overboard with your energy and enthusiasm. Perhaps, then, you too can avert the “nervous breakdown broken into innings” that Earl Wilson so poignantly described.

And although the focus in this week’s blog is on parents’ behaviors, Dr. Omli (who just so happens to have two nieces and a nephew who live in Plano) also described different patterns of coaches’ behavior including insensitive, supportive, fun, intrusive, and competent. How would you describe your child’s coach?

Most important things kids want coaches to do? Be nice to their teammates and know a lot about the sport they coach. What should coaches not do? Swear or use “bad language” when talking to them, tease, make fun, or get mad at them. In other words: Know the game. And play nice.

Now play ball!

To learn more about the Kids Speak project and Dr. Omli, please visit:

http://www.cehd.umn.edu/TuckerCenter/personnel/omlix001.html

Get Ready to Play!

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 22:08:41 -0500

by Cynthia A. Frosch, PhD

My son learned a new game this week. It’s called “Mr. Fox.” Someone plays the role of Mr. Fox— standing at the front of the room while a group of excited children calls out “What time is it, Mr. Fox?” If Mr. Fox answers “2:00,” then the children take two steps closer to him. 4:00 – they take 4 steps closer and so on. At some point, the children ask “What time is it, Mr. Fox?” And Mr. Fox yells “Dinnertime!!!!!!” Mr. Fox then races to capture children as they make their way back to a safe base.

Now, this game has really captured my child’s interest and enthusiasm. He loves it. We played it inside yesterday, escaping the Texas heat; just the two of us, for a half hour. Then my son played it in the pool with his dad last night. Today, I’m guessing we will revisit Mr. Fox in some way.

How is it that such a silly game could spark so much enjoyment? What use is “play” like that anyway? For this very literal mommy, playing silly games without a clear learning objective is well …. challenging. Play for play’s sake seems so pointless at times. Shouldn’t we be doing something “productive?”

Yet make no mistake. Play is productive. It produces joy. Energy. And enthusiasm. Play is meaningful. And play is hard work. At times, I think I’ve forgotten how to “play.” That somehow the experience of becoming an adult and “working” for a living has meant the end of play. But when I think about it, much of my work is play – play with words. Play with ideas. Play with people I really enjoy.

Can you recall the exact moment in your life when you stopped playing? The moment when play and the rest of your life were split? I recall it happening in first grade. First grade was the time when play was relegated to the playground (the acceptable venue for childish activities) and became time-limited. Yes, recess became the time to play. Learning was for the classroom. Playing was for the playground. But aren’t there other options? Like learning on the playground and playing in the classroom?

I see the enormous pleasure and excitement games like “Mr. Fox” brings to my son and I remember – yes, that’s what childhood is all about. And isn’t that what life is about? When we find our joy, we find our learning. And Mr. Fox has a lot going for it – physical exercise, social enjoyment, anticipation, safety, power, time, counting. Good stuff.

I often joke that I may never move out of my neighborhood because of how much my neighborhood plays. I may have ended up on this particular street not just to live but to play. On my street, kids are outside climbing trees, swinging on homemade swings, sliding down slides, drawing with sidewalk chalk, sharing snacks. And my neighbors are such a playful influence on me. We have spent many leisurely afternoons outside with lemonade or watermelon slices doing nothing but swinging, sharing, and playing. Children and adults. A slice of Americana that I had never experienced before. When I see my neighbors out front, I grab my shoes to go outside and play.

This month’s blog is about play and more specifically, why play for young children matters in school. In March of 2009, a summary report from the Alliance for Childhood was released. The article, entitled “Crisis in the Kindergarten: Why Children Need to Play in School,” argues that the disappearance of play from kindergarten and early childhood is damaging to both our children and our nation.

Authors Edward Miller and Joan Almon highlight the results of studies showing that preparation for tests and standardized testing are now daily occurrences in many kindergartens. And in many classrooms, there is no playtime at all. The authors note that kindergarteners “are now under great pressure to meet inappropriate expectations… [and] are being denied the benefits of play – a major stress reliever.” They go on to describe how many experts consider the increase in academic pressure combined with a lack of play (and stress relief), to be contributing factors in the increase in behavior problems, aggression, and anger seen in young children today.

Miller and Almon outline 5 recommendations for creating better kindergartens. Briefly summarized, these include:

1. Making play a priority for children.

2. Eliminating kindergarten standards that are developmentally inappropriate.

3. Stopping the use of standardized testing in kindergarten and replacing it with more age-appropriate alternatives.

4. Gaining a better understanding of how current practices impact long term development for children from different backgrounds. And

5. Enhancing teacher preparation – emphasizing the value of play and how to support the development of the whole child.

Importantly, the authors state that play-based kindergartens have clear advantages. Not only do the children develop solid intellectual skills but they are likely to become healthier and better adjusted. Intellectual skills + social and emotional health and adjustment? Now that’s a winning combination.

So …..let’s play!

For more information on the Alliance for Childhood, please visit: http://www.allianceforchildhood.org/

To read the summary of Crisis in The Kindergarten, please visit: http://www.allianceforchildhood.org/sites/allianceforchildhood.org/files/file/Kindergarten_8-page_summary.pdf

Television, Videos, and Babies

Fri, 01 May 2009 13:20:00 -0500

By Cynthia A. Frosch, PhD

For many parents of young children, television is a big part of daily life. Whether it is PBS, The Disney Channel, or assorted DVDs such as Brainy Baby^TM, Baby Einstein^TM, or Clifford, babies are receiving airtime. What is interesting here is that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends NO television for children under 2. But the research on babies and TV suggests otherwise.

Dr. Sophia Pierroutsakos is one of the researchers who has been studying young children’s understanding of television and video. She and her colleagues have conducted several studies looking at the viewing habits of babies and toddlers and how young children interact with television and other 2-dimensional representations or images of the “real” world.

In a study of 100 families with infants under the age of 2, Dr. Pierroutsakos and her colleagues found that television and/or video is on with an infant present for an average of 117.7 minutes each day. That’s almost two hours, on average. And of that time, infants are actually “attending to” or paying attention to the TV or video for an average of 57.91 minutes — almost one hour a day. Now remember that these are children under the age of 2. In addition, families owned an average of 6.19 videos for their infants and the majority of families reported that their infants even had favorite TV shows, characters, and videos.

Dr. Pierroutsakos and her colleagues also found that parents reported specific responses from their infants while watching television. For example, 70% of parents reported that their infants tended to become less fussy when watching television or that their infants become very focused while watching TV (55%).

Beliefs and Factors Related to Television Viewing

So why is it that TV/video is such a regular part of young children’s lives? One reason is that many parents belief that television is beneficial to the child. And in fact, Dr. Pierroutsakos found that 72% of the families in their study belief that television is beneficial for their babies. Parents believe that watching television stimulates the baby’s thinking, supports vocabulary growth, and conveys information.

Other factors related to television viewing include the age of the infant, the number of televisions in the home, and the age of other siblings in the home. Overall, older infants watched more videos each week, and more TV in the home meant more television time with the baby present. And finally, the older the siblings were in the home, the more the television was on each week with the baby present in the room.

Aside from parental beliefs about the intellectual benefits of television for young children, and family characteristics, I think another reason babies watch television and videos is purely practical. I think for many parents, the desire to take a shower, take care of household chores and meal preparation, or complete a phone conversation or email (relatively) uninterrupted could be a motivating factor for turning on the television or popping in a video. Knowing that a child could be happily engaged with a video and believing that there may actually be learning benefits to the viewing are added boosts. A contented child and a satisfied parent may go hand-in-hand along with video/TV viewing.

I would like to see researchers examine parents’ reports of what they gain from their children watching television and videos. Time alone? A break from sibling conflict? Rest for non-napping or fussing children? Relief from boredom? When my child was 3 ½, he rarely napped and the afternoon hours in the Texas heat could seem so long. For me, popping in his favorite alphabet video translated into rest time for me where I could recharge for the rest of the day. And that brings me back to logistics – television and video may just be that extra set of hands to help out during the day. Perhaps a way to redirect our children and/or ourselves from boredom, frustration, unpleasant emotions, or isolation.

More television means less time for reading…

But what do parents beliefs and practices about television/video and babies mean for the daily lives of infants? In one study, Dr. Pierroutsakos and her colleagues found that infants and toddlers were read to an average of 25.4 minutes per day. Now compare that to the average of almost 58 minutes per day that infants are watching television. And the more mothers watched TV, especially to “relax,” the less infants were likely to be read to each day. So the practice of television viewing may also mean less time spent in reading interactions.

Would babies rather watch TV or “live” events?

Curious as to how young babies responded to watching television vs. live action, Dr. Marissa Diener collaborated with Dr. Pierroutsakos and others to find out the answer. Their team conducted two experiments to determine how 9 and 10-month-old infants first responded to video and then to “live” action of the same video events. They found that infant were emotionally responsive to both the video and live events — expressing fear, positive emotion and interest. However, almost all of the babies in the experiment looked longer at the live events and reached more towards the live action than to the video events. The live action events also created stronger emotional responses in the babies – both positive and negative. And overall, the babies who showed the most fear or positive emotion in response to the live action events also showed the most fear or positive emotion in responsive to the video – suggesting the role of temperament in responses to video and live events. In the second experiment, the researchers showed the video and live events at the same time. They found that infants actually preferred to look at live presentation of toys and events than video of the same toys and events. In fact, infants spent 80% of their time looking at the “real” presentation as opposed to the video.

Real Life Options and Alternatives

In The READY Method, Dr. Margaret Owen and I talk about the importance of gentle, responsive caregiving. Our assertion is that children develop best in the context of supportive relationships. While television and video appear to be an integral part of young children’s lives, the research described here indicates that babies prefer “real life” to video. Background television can pull children’s away from their play so consider reserving television/video viewing to specific times of the day or week. It may be helpful to look at your own motivations and beliefs regarding infant and toddler television viewing and consider ways to extend your child’s television and video experience to the real world. For example, if your child’s favorite character goes to the zoo in one episode, consider a trip to the zoo for you and your child. You can also consider viewing a favorite program together – using the video or television time as an opportunity to share contact, closeness, and conversation. And be sure to build in plenty of time away from the television for reading with your child, playing face-to-face, and exploring real objects and events.

If you are looking for alternatives to video or television when you or your child need a break, Dr. Pierroutsakos suggests sharing care with a neighbor or friend and incorporating your child into your everyday activities by wearing your child more (in a sling) or having your child engaged in play with real objects close by (for example, on the kitchen floor while you cook or on the floor while you rest on the couch). I also suggest using bath or shower time as a break for young children – many children will happily play in the tub or shower while you supervise or join in. Other suggestions include play with water at the sink while you are cooking (I am a fan of the Learning Tower and similar alternatives to step stools), a sand and water table, listening or making music together, reading books, or taking a walk outside.

The research:

Diener, M. L., Pierroutsakos, S. L., Troseth, G. L, and Roberts, A. (2008). Video versus reality: Infants’ attention and affective responses to video and live presentations. Media Psychology, 11(3), 418 — 441.

Baby Einsteins everywhere: Infants’ television and video viewing. Presented at the Biennial International Conference for Infant Studies.

Toddlers and television: TV viewing and early reading behavior. Presented at the biennial meeting of the Society for Research in Child Development.

To learn more about Dr. Pierroutsakos, visit:

http://users.stlcc.edu/departments/mcbehavior/dr__sophia_pierroutsakos.htm

To learn more about Dr. Diener, visit:

http://www.fcs.utah.edu/faculty/diener/

Guarding the Baby: How Mothers Influence Fathers’ Involvement in Childrearing

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:33:00 -0500

By Cynthia A. Frosch, Ph.D.

The idea of maternal gatekeeping is not exactly new. Historically mothers have been the primary caregivers for their children. But times have changed, as have family roles. Many mothers say they want their partners to be actively involved in childrearing. But is this really true? Does a mother’s behavior actively support the father’s involvement? And if so, how?

What does maternal gatekeeping mean for fathers’ involvement?

Dr. Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan of Ohio State University studies family dynamics in couples with young children, with a particular interest in fathers and coparenting behavior—or the ways that mothers and fathers support or undermine each other in the parenting role. One of Dr. Schoppe-Sullivan’s recent studies examined mothers’ gatekeeping—the idea that mothers support or limit their partner’s involvement through their beliefs and behaviors (e.g., doing everything herself or criticizing what her partner does do).

Specifically, Dr. Schoppe-Sullivan examined the relationships among mother’s gatekeeping, the quality of the coparenting relationship, and father’s involvement in a sample of families with infants. The researchers looked at both what fathers’ say about their involvement and also how involved they actually were while changing their baby’s clothes with their partner.

One of the most significant findings from this research was that when mothers encouraged fathers more, fathers were reported to be more involved in childrearing. This was true even after taking into account parents’ beliefs about a father’s role AND the overall quality of the couples’ coparenting relationship. In other words, mother’ encouragement really makes a difference in father’ involvement. A second important finding from the study was that when mothers criticize less, what fathers’ believe about their role relates to what they actually do with their baby. In other words, a mother who is critical of the father may actually be interfering with how a father’s beliefs translate into action. So in the face of a critical spouse, although fathers may say they want to be involved, they are actually less involved. Together, Schoppe-Sullivan and her colleagues found support for the idea that mothers’ gatekeeping may indeed shape father’s involvement in childrearing during infancy. Fathers are more involved when mothers encourage more and criticize less.

Gatekeeping in Action: Becoming Aware and Moving Beyond Limiting Behaviors

This article resonated with me as a wife and mother. My reasons for wanting to gatekeep during my son’ infancy had little to do with thinking that my husband was not competent. Quite the opposite, in fact. It was that I thought he was “too” competent in some areas – more competent than me. Like bedtime. My husband could swaddle our son and have him drifting off to sleep in no time. Not me. My fairytale images of me whispering sweet lullabies while rocking a dozing baby rarely happened. Over time, I came to understand the value of actively supporting my partners’ parenting and beliefs — embracing his parenting strengths and gifts instead of feeling that I was somehow less adequate if he was well, so much more than adequate. Almost six years later, the pull of gatekeeping still exists but I am aware of the reasons behind my urges.

As more fathers take on the role of primary caregivers for their young children, I wonder if similar findings regarding fathers’ gatekeeping will be found – is their something unique about mothers’ gatekeeping or is it the primary caregivers’ gatekeeping that draws in or keeps the other parent from being fully involved and congruent in their beliefs and behaviors? Had my husband been the primary gatekeeping, would he have engaged in gatekeeping and if so, how might his gatekeeping have shaped our family experience?

In The READY Method, Margaret Owen and I talk about becoming aware of what we bring to our interactions with our children. Becoming aware of gatekeeping tendencies in ourselves as well as our responses to our partner’s gatekeeping (or lack of gatekeeping) can help us to dive deeper in to the process of knowing ourselves as individuals, parents and partners. Beneath the desire or tendency to gatekeep may be a more deeply held belief or emotion – perhaps like me, that our partners’ competence somehow implies our “less-ness” or incompetence – that him doing more = I matter less. Perhaps the belief is that our partner’s involvement will overshadow our own – the fear that we are replaceable or insignificant. Gatekeeping then, may largely reflect our own internal processes rather than what is best for our children or our families.

Reflecting on Gatekeeping: What Parents and Caregivers Can Do:

• Think about the messages that gatekeeping may send to children as they move beyond infancy.

• Search for the roots of gatekeeping. If my partner is more involved, it means _________ and that would mean ____________, which means ________________. Keep going until you end up at a core issue related to your beliefs and emotions around gatekeeping – the answer may surprise you.

• Care for yourself beyond your role as a parent – respect your gifts and competencies and acknowledge the many ways you contribute to your family and community. Each partner’s contribution is unique; each contribution can matter.

• Recognize that children’s needs change over time and may influence parental involvement. For example, a father may become more involved in feeding a toddler who has weaned from nursing.

• Understand that at different times and in different circumstances, children may want or need one parent more than the other. The challenge is to meet children’s deeper needs for love, security, and connection.

For more information: Schoppe-Sullivan, S. J., Brown, G. L., Cannon, E. A., Mangelsdorf, S. C., and Szewczyk-Sokolowski, M. (2008). Maternal gatekeeping, coparenting quality, and fathering behavior in families with infants. Journal of Family Psychology, 22. 389-398.

To learn more about Dr. Schoppe-Sullivan, visit: http://ehe.osu.edu/facstaff/hdfs.php?name=sarah%20schoppe-sullivan

Staying in Bounds

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 04:23:00 -0600

By Cynthia A. Frosch, Ph.D.

Having recently watched the Super Bowl with my 5-year-old son, I was struck by what went on when a player went out of bounds. The play stopped, the order of the game ceased temporarily, and often the player was thrown out of his own territory into the territory of another. Family life is a lot like football—there are players (mother, father, children, or some combination) and teams (parent-parent, parent-child, child-child), and for the game to flow smoothly, everyone needs to know where they stand. Everyone benefits by knowing what their role is in the game and where the boundaries and goal posts are.

But what happens if the players switch roles? Using the football analogy, what happens if the quarterback tries to be the receiver? The kicker—the linebacker? What if the team falls apart and stops working together? Mothers and fathers go separate ways. Children take on the role of parents and parents take on the role of children. The plays don’t work, the goal posts are at the wrong ends, and the game starts to break down.

And while young children may experiment with a variety of roles in dramatic or pretend play—taking on the role of superhero, mother, father, uncle, aunt, even the family dog—what happens if this happens outside of the safety of play?

Of particular interest to Dr. Macfie (Associate Professor at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville) are the family factors that contribute to the development of one kind of family breakdown—parent-toddler role reversal. Parent-toddler role reversal occurs when a parent looks to the child to meet his or her own unmet needs for comfort, intimacy, or companionship.

When we as researchers talk about role reversal, we are describing a relationship pattern where the parent (or adult) may look to the child for attention and affection; in other words, the parent’s physical affection is not in response to the child’s needs but is more about what the parent needs or wants. The parent may ask for or demand attention from the child or touch a child in way that is inappropriate. Role reversal can also reflect an absence of supportive guidance and appropriate limits. In relationships marked by role reversal, it is often difficult to tell who the parent is and who the child is. A child may be able to order a parent around and the parent complies passively. Or a parent may initiate or become involved in play or antics that detract from the situation at hand—for example while a toddler is focused and working diligently on a puzzle, the parent starts tickling the child.

What effect does parent-child role reversal have on children’s development?
In a series of papers, Dr. Macfie and her colleagues examined the predictors and outcomes of parent-child role reversal. Dr. Macfie found that parent-child role reversal is problematic for children because it predicts social and attention difficulties as well as behavior problems. The specific outcomes of role reversal depended on whether the role reversal occurred in the father-child or the mother-child relationship. The child’s gender also mattered. In other words, sons and daughters were affected differently by parent-child role reversal.

What predicts parent-child role reversal?
Dr. Macfie has examined several factors that may contribute to the breakdown in boundaries between parents and young children. In her research on infants’ exposure to marital conflict, Dr. Macfie and her colleagues suggested that parents in more conflicted marriages may be more prone to role reversal with their children. The experience of conflict with a spouse may create or reflect the parents’ unmet needs which are then “played out” with the child. So a parent who is not receiving intimacy, comfort, or companionship in the marital relationship may seek them out in their relationships with their young children.

In one paper, Dr. Macfie and her colleagues found just that. Marital conflict predicted role reversal in the parent-child relationship. When mothers were more conflictual towards fathers, fathers showed greater role reversal with their children. And when fathers were more conflictual towards mothers, fathers then tended to withdraw from mothers. Fathers’ withdrawal, in turn, contributed to mothers’ role reversal with their children. So this means that marital conflict contributes directly to father-toddler role reversal, and indirectly to mother-toddler role reversal via fathers’ withdrawal from his spouse.

Parent-child role reversal is also related to mothers’ and fathers’ experiences in their own families of origin. Specifically, Dr. Macfie and her colleagues found that mothers who reported role reversal with their own mothers as children tended to experience more role reversal with their toddler daughters than mothers who did not report role reversal with their own mothers. And when fathers reported greater role reversal with their own mothers as children, their wives experienced greater role reversal with their sons. In other words, fathers who experienced role reversal as children were more likely to grow up and marry women who role reverse with their sons. What these results suggest is that role reversal may have an intergenerational component such that parents who experienced role reversal with their own mothers as children then go on to have relationships with their own children that are marked by role reversal as well.

Why does parent-toddler role reversal occur?
The demands on parents can be enormous—economic stressors, lack of extended family and support networks, and simply a lack of understanding of the unconscious processes at work within ourselves may all contribute to a breakdown in the boundaries surrounding marriage and parenting. Women, especially, may be aware of a general lack of boundaries in their lives as a search through local bookstores or on-line sites confirms. Marital conflict, unresolved childhood issues, and psychological factors may all be at play as well.

What can parents and caregivers do?
Become aware of your own relationship history and whether there was role reversal with your own parents or caregivers. Dr. Macfie’s research showed that parents who experienced role reversal as children were more likely to experience role reversal with their own children. Thus, becoming aware of this intergenerational process may help to break the cycle.

Ask yourself what are my needs? What are my child’s needs? How can I work towards creating wholeness for myself so that I can nurture my child and my relationship?

In a timely article posted today on Mothering.com, Amy Bush Bradley writes about the process of discovering and trusting our children. The author highlights the key role of parents in the lives of young children and points out that when parents work on themselves, they create positive changes in the lives of children. “Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and making a change for the positive will have an impact, one much greater than any damage previously done.” - Amy Bush Bradley (Digging for Roots: The Innate Nature of Children, February 6, 2009
www.mothering.com)

In summary, as adults, we can:

Understand what role reversal is and reflect on the relationships we shared with our own parents as children.
Become aware of our unmet needs and how they are being played out in our relationships, health, and inner lives.
Examine our relationships with children to see whether the boundaries are clear or if we may be looking to the child for structure, reassurance, comfort, intimacy, or companionship.
Strengthen our marital or partner relationships and identify ways to better meet our own needs so that we can provide the nurturance and safety our children need.
Respect our children’s autonomy and independence; honor the separation/individuation process without re-activating our children’s attachment needs.

Clear boundaries require both connectedness and separateness. A key developmental task for toddlers is separating and becoming more independent and autonomous. Yet maintaining the security of the parent-child relationship remains an important task as well. Secure parent-child attachment relationships provide a “safe space” or “secure base” for children well beyond infancy.

In The READY Method™, Dr. Margaret Owen and I talk about finding ways to support children’s independence and autonomy while parenting with connection and maintaining boundaries. We encourage parents to reflect on their own needs so that they can better meet their children’s needs.

An upcoming talk in the “Food For Thought” series sponsored by the Texas Association for Infant Mental Health will address the issue of separetness and connectedness. On February 20, Elizabeth Francis, MS., ECEd, IMH-E (IV) will present a talk entitled “Now I’m a Toddler, Learning to Leave” at KERA studios in Dallas. The talk will focus on the ways that toddlers and their caregivers can remain emotionally connected while separating from each other. For more information, visit: www.taimh.org.

Learn more about Dr. Jenny Macfie.

12 Ways to Prevent Behavior Problems Before They Start

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:44:35 -0600

By Cynthia A Frosch, Ph.D.

1.    Don’t hit. Teach gentle hands by using gentle hands.

2.    Recognize and respect that you child has his own unique perspective, needs, and desires

3.    Find a way to say YES.
Think carefully about your reasons for saying no. Control? Not wanting to deal? Think of the possibilities of saying yes to your child. Yes, you can wear socks that don’t match; yes, you can have a friend over; yes, I’ll play with you when I’m finished with the dishes.

4.    Tell your child what he can do. Dogs are for petting. Balls are for throwing. Food is for eating. Mommy is for cuddling. Teethers are for biting.

5.    Take care of yourself and know your triggers and needs.
When are you most likely to react? How can you shift your perspective?

6.    Strive for a balanced lifestyle—rest, nourishment, fun, exercise

7.    Choose quality child care. Whether for an hour a week or for eight hours a day, the quality of child care matters.

8.    Teach your child to take a break and breathe deeply.

9.    Provide ways for your child to feel and release intense emotions like jumping up and down, hitting pillows, or pounding the bed.

10.    Offer controlled choices when necessary—you can play for 0, 1, or 2 more minutes! What’s your choice? Use a timer or clock.

11.    Use water. When things are getting a little intense, try a bath for you, your child (or you and your child!). Fillthe sink, a bucket, or a water table and allow your child to play or “wash” dishes or toys.

12.    Become a more sensitive, responsive parent or caregiver. Get READY.

The READY Approach To Using Books In Everyday Life

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 14:12:00 -0600

By Cynthia A. Frosch, PhD

Most parents know the power of reading with their children. Yet, when given a book, many parents think they have to follow the words exactly and stick to the storyline.

But books are about more than just “reading” words! Books offer a window into the lives of others and can support children as they face a variety of issues and challenges. For example, a book about anger can be used to help your child label and discuss his own anger. A book about a new baby can help a child adjust to the addition of a new baby brother or sister. For a child who becomes interested in dinosarus, books can take her interest to a new level of knowledge and enjoyment.

There are many ways that parents and adults can share books with young children. And there isn’t necessarily one right or wrong way. In fact, different styles may work better for different kids and different parents. A child who is very interested in looking at books may sit on your lap and enjoy listening to stories for 1/2 hour. Another child may prefer matching up the pictures in books to his own toys. Or listening to books on tape — an activity that allows her to move around the room at the same time.

Regardless of how you choose to use books in your family, one thing remains the same – the importance of sensitive and responsive interactions with parents or caregivers. This is where The READY Method can be implemented. When you are aware of your child’s needs and interests around literacy and are able to adjust your perspective to follow your child, you are providing the most powerful link to literacy — a fun and loving context for learning.

The next time your child shows an interest in a particular book or topic, visit the library to find more books on the topic or by the same author. And if your child wants to explore books a bit less “conventionally”, give it a try. (I’ll admit to having read the last page first a few times in my life.)

Get READY to Read

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:00:00 -0600

15 Easy Ways to Encourage Literacy
By Cynthia A. Frosch, PhD

1. Cut giant alphabet letters out of poster board – the neon colors work especially well. Hide them around the house (or around your yard) and go on a letter search. The letters will fold or stack flat for storage. You can even have them laminated.

2. Make an alphabet train using bins or bags labeled with each letter of the alphabet. Have your child put the letters in order and then find something that starts with each letter to put in the box. If you don’t have a particular object, draw or print out a picture. I found that small storage boxes and plastic mixing bowls work well.

3. Go on a zoo-phabet. List all the letters on a piece of paper and write down every animal you see that starts with that letter (or includes it for the tricky ones like X!). Visit the zoo’s website or talk with a zookeeper to get some ideas ahead of time and map out your plan.

4. Use clear or colored storage bins (we buy shoe and boot boxes by the case at The Container Store) to store your child’s toys and activities. One for crayons, one for cars, one for lacing beads, etc. Take a picture of the contents and use masking tape and a Sharpie to label the bin. These stack neatly, allow you to easily rotate toys and activities, and help your child learn the words for favorite things.

5. Get sentence strips from a teacher supply store (or visit one on-line) and write the name of a common household object on each strip (e.g., sofa, table, chair, door). Stick the strips to the object and allow your child to discover what the words mean.

6. Make or purchase a child-friendly calendar and hang it at a level your child can see. My favorite has little slats to insert numbers and includes the calendar and separate days of the week display. Help your child select the correct day to display and talk about the date. The 1st of every month is a big day around our house because my son helps me change the calendar. Finding the numbers and words for the months and seasons is his job.

7. Choose a letter of the week and select an outing or activity each day that corresponds to the letter. (e.g., “L”–visit the library, drink lemonade, do leaf printing, build with Legos, read a story about a lion, etc.)

8. Eat your way through the alphabet. Lois Ehlert has a wonderful book called Eating the Alphabet. Read the book with your child and make a list of each letter on the refrigerator. As you explore new foods, add them to the list. Uglifruit is one to try for U; Quinoa for Q.

9. Use cookie cutters to cut out fruits, Jell-O, pancakes, potatoes, or bread in the shape of letters. Spell out your child’s name or favorite things. IANs makes alphabet shaped fries that come in plain and vegetable varieties. You can easily make your own by slicing potatoes and cutting out letters with cutters. Cut out trains, bears, toys, and other objects and spell out the object underneath.

10. Bathtub letters are cheap and easy to use in a variety of ways. Not only do they stick to the sides of the tub, but they can be used for tracing and painting.

11. Spell out your child’s name at eye level on his or her bedroom door. Art supply stores like Michael’s and Hobby Lobby have a variety of wooden and foam letters or you can make your own.

12. Alphabet sponges can be purchased toy or craft stores or you can cut your own out of flat dish sponges using small craft scissors. They are fun in the sink and are great for art projects.

13. Make lists with your child. Let your child see you making “To Do” lists or shopping lists for the grocery store, complete with numbers and items (for example: 1. bananas 2. rice 3. pretzels). Have you child help you search through the pantry or refrigerator to find what items are needed and then write them on lined paper. This can be a great weekly ritual. Extend the learning to the grocery store where you talk about each item as you add it to your cart or bag.

14. Read with your child every day– a daily ritual of reading provides your child with a learning-rich and love-filled opportunity to explore the world.

15. Visit the public library – for free! Libraries often have wonderful storytimes to get kids into books. Many also have low tables where kids can read and work on literacy-related activities.

A READY Look at Toddler Biting

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:00:00 -0600

By Cynthia A. Frosch, Ph.D.

Several years ago, at the annual meeting of the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC, November 2001), a variety of researchers and early childhood professionals gathered together to learn about topics ranging from quality child care to how to include fathers in children’s lives. One particularly hot topic was biting behavior in young children. If you are a parent of a toddler, you may have experience with biting. Whether your child was the biter or the recipient of another child’s bite, you may have experience emotions like fear, anger, or frustration. Positive steps toward decreasing biting behavior include increasing parents’, teachers’, and caregivers’ understanding of why biting occurs and offering some practical steps to help.

While research on biting behavior is limited, discussions of biting can be found in a variety of books and magazines and among parents and teachers in playgroups or child care settings. Why? Because biting is a behavior that gets attention! It can be scary; it can cause bleeding or leave marks, and it gets people moving.

Vickie Young-Chiverton and Renee Hartje of Child & Family Resources, Inc. in Tucson, Arizona were among those who presented workshops on the how’s and why’s of toddlers’ biting. Excerpts from their presentation, entitled “Having a little bite with your friends” are summarized below.

Why do children bite?
There are lots of reasons why young children bite. Doing a little perspective taking and putting yourself in the position of a toddler may help you understand this behavior. Think about what it’s like to only have a few words that you can say, and you’re tired, hungry, frustrated, or spying a toy that you want to have NOW. Maybe you are getting new teeth, miss your bottle, or just want someone’s attention. How can you get your needs met when you don’t have the words to say what you want and there’s so much going on inside and around you? A bite may be just the way to connect with another person, get the toy you want, or release some built up tension.

But it came out of nowhere!
Although it may seem like biting comes out of nowhere, a closer look may show just when and why a bite occurred. Maybe a child bites most in the morning, after having been separated from a parent. Maybe he bites most before lunch or naptime, when he is hungry or tired. Perhaps she bites when there are too many children in one space with too few toys. Or maybe she bites when she plays with a particular child or children. Carefully watching children and noting when, who, and what happened before the bite may help you see the why of a bit more clearly.Observation can reveal a pattern in a child’s behavior.

An ounce of prevention and a bit of intervention. Preventing biting takes a bit of effort on the part of teachers, parents, and caregivers. Adults can maintain a good perspective by keeping in mind that biting can be seen as developmentally appropriate and that biting does not mean that a child is a bad person, a discipline problem, or on his or her way to a lifetime of negative behaviors.

When adults stay calm and gentle, they show that they are able to support and help children who are experiencing intense emotions. If possible, help the child who bit and the child who was bitten stay together and work it out. Talk, label, and offer alternatives to help children find other ways to get their needs met.

Other suggestions:
⌂ Offer plenty of toys and space for young children and lots of opportunities for independence.
⌂ Let children know what they can do, what they should be doing, and how to get your attention or the attention of other children.
⌂ As much as possible, maintain a predictable schedule so that children can feel secure in their environments.
⌂ Focus on transitions (e.g., from outside to indoor play; napping to play; play to eating) so that children can move smoothly between activities.
⌂ Model gentle touches and caring behavior so that children can “see” what such behaviors look like.

A READY Plan:
► Create a log of when bites occur. Note the children involved, the time of day, and anything else that might have been going on at the time. Identifying patterns for bites can help you to prevent (or at least decrease) them.

► Be consistent. Very consistent. A couple of days of extra supervision does not mean that the behavior will never occur again. Several weeks without a bite is more promising! Develop a plan to use in the classroom or at home—this may mean that you keep a child close to you more during “high probability bite times” or keep a closer eye on a child’s play and interactions.

► Talk “out loud” and help children find both words to label their feelings and alternatives to biting. For example, if a bite occurs after one child takes a toy from another child, consider saying, “You were mad because you wanted that toy. It’s okay to be mad, but it is not okay to bite. You can say ‘no’ or ‘mine’ but no biting.” Or, “You look upset because she took your chair. You can choose another chair or get a teacher, but you cannot bite.”

► Make “patience” a mantra. It takes time for a child to change his or her behavior and for parents, teachers, and care providers to develop an effective plan. Honor small achievements—if a child goes from ten bites a week to seven that’s progress!

► Look for the meaning behind the message. Biting can be a very scary behavior for everyone involved—thechild who bites, a child who is bitten, parents (of the biter and the bitten), and teachers. Biting may be your child’s way of signaling that they are over-stimulated, overtired, or in need of more attention, space, or time. Viewing children’s behavior as a signal can help you respond with understanding, consistency, and support rather than anger, judgment, or punishment.

Promoting Smooth Transitions

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 23:00:00 -0600

By Cynthia A. Frosch, P.h.D

Have you ever noticed how difficult it is for many young children to move (or transition) between activities or environments? For example, while on the playground, 4-year-old Maddie may be playful, content, and social. But when it’s time to change to something else (say to line up, go inside, or settle in for quiet time), she may become angry, frustrated, sad, or teary-eyed.

Or take the example of 3-year-old Alex. He’s building a house with blocks and pretending that he’s a superhero. When his mom asks him to clean up because it is now bedtime, Alex begins to protest, shouting “No!” and throwing blocks.

If your child attends child care or preschool, you may have also noticed that your child (or another child) has difficulty transitioning to the classroom at the beginning of the day, and/or from the classroom at the end of the day. For example, 2-year-old Gabriel cries when his mother drops him off in the morning and clings to her leg. It takes his mother a long time to feel comfortable with leaving Gabriel and even longer for Gabriel to begin playing with other children.

Transitions from outdoor to indoor play, from activity to bedtime, and from home to child care or preschool are just a few examples of the many “transitions” that your child may experience each day.

Depending on factors like your child’s age and temperament, transitions may be easier or more difficult. And transitions are affected by more than just child characteristics. For example, the kind of home or child care environment your child experiences, as well as the kinds of relationships your child shares with other people can all contribute to how he or she responds to transitions—both big and small.

When we talk about children making the transition to kindergarten for example, researchers such as Sara Rimm-Kaufman and Robert Pianta emphasize the role that children, schools, peers, families, and even neighborhoods all play in the transition process. So by looking at what the child brings to the world and what the environment offers, we may better understand how to help children with the transition process.

When thinking about how to facilitate or guide smooth transitions for children, it may be helpful to first consider the ways you and other “grown-ups” respond to transitions. For example, many of us need a cup of tea or coffee to help us with our morning transition from bed to the workday. Others may need “down time” at the end of the day before having dinner or interacting with children, spouses, or partners. After particularly intense meetings or phone conversations, we may need to give ourselves a bit more time before continuing on with our daily activities. At the end of the day, when bedtime is approaching, we may need a few minutes of TV, a hot bath, or the comfort of a good novel to help us as we leave the day behind and turn in for the evening.

So as you can see adults, too, face many transitions each day. However, unlike children (who may look to adults for guidance and assistance when transitioning) adults often know how to get the time, space, or help they need to make their daily transitions easier.

Transitions can be those things that happen on a daily or regular basis (such as the examples described above), as well as those experiences that occur once or rarely such as the transition into kindergarten or into elementary school or the transition to being a big sister or brother.

Some examples of “big” and “little” transitions:

At childcare:

Arrival and departure; changing between activities like indoor and outdoor play; lunchand nap
Moving from home-based care to center-based care
Switching from one child care center to another
Transitioning from an infant to toddler class; from a toddler to preschool class

At home:

Getting ready for bed each night
Adding or losing a family member or household resident
The birth or adoption of a sibling
Moving to a new home, city, or state
Changes for parent(s) (such as work schedule or wellbeing)
Overnights or visits with other grandparents or a non-custodial parent

Tips for Promoting Smooth Transitions at Home and School

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 23:00:00 -0600

By Cynthia A. Frosch, Ph.D.

1. Offer a stable and predictable environment. When children feel like they know what happens in their day and when, transitions may be easier. For example, keeping evening activities consistent and routine (maybe with a bath, teeth brushing, and story) may help with the transition to bedtime.

2. Warning time is essential, and frequent reminders can be helpful. Imagine being incredibly focused on painting and in the middle of a masterpiece someone comes over and puts all of your paints away! Adults can let children know that a change is coming up and offer suggestions for the transition. For example “In five minutes painting time will be over and it will be time to clean up for snack.)”

3. Implement an age-appropriate time management system. Use an egg timer or other gadget to help children know when it will be time to clean-up or move to a new activity.

4. Talk, talk, talk. For children who are having difficulty moving from one activity to another, discussion about what happens next and what your expectations are for their behavior may help to promote a smoother transition. Saying to your child, “We are just about done with breakfast.We’re going to go upstairs and get dressed before school.” Or, “It looks like you are having fun with those blocks. In five minutes, it will be time to clean-up and go upstairs to take a nap.”

Also, separations may become easier for children if parents (or other caregivers) talk about what is happening using simple, matter-of-fact language. Parents can discuss the transition as often as necessary and choose words that help children understand what is happening. For example, “I am going to work now and I’ll pick you up after lunch. Miss Helen will hold you while you say goodbye to me.”

5. Role playing. Pretend play with adults (and between children) can be an effective outlet for difficult or mixed emotions—and a useful tool for encouraging children to talk about transitions such as moving to a new home, starting school, or having a new brother or sister.

6. Books and videotapes that focus on transitions can be beneficial. Many options are available at your local bookstore or public library. Staff can recommend books and tapes that feature your child’s favorite people or characters.

7. Respect comfort items. Be gentle and respectful of your child’s need for a “cuddly” or “blankie” to move more easily throughout the day. Some children rely on transitional objects (a stuffed animal, blanket, or toy) as a source of comfort. According to researcher and author Claire Kopp, approximately 60% of toddlers use a transitional object as a source of comfort.

8. Become aware of your own feelings regarding transitions. It may also be helpful for adults to be particularly sensitive to the important role that they play during times of transition and consider how they feel about both their own transitions and their children’s. For a teacher who has cared for and nurtured an infant, there may be feelings of sadness or loss as their little one moves on to the “big” kid classroom. For a parent who has cared for their child for three years, the first day of preschool may be a very emotional experience! Or for an adult who has been the parent of only one child, the birth of a new baby may bring up fears of not having enough time, love, or energy to care for two children.

Eight Steps To Building Secure Attachment Relationships With Children

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 23:00:00 -0600

A READY Approach for Parents and Childcare Providers
By Cynthia A Frosch, Ph.D.

1.    Talk about emotions. In The READY Method, we emphasize the importance of emotional communication—using words like happy, sad, mad, excited, etc. in everyday talk with children. Since attachments are emotional bonds, emotion talk can foster security and understanding between adults and children.

2.    View everyday experiences as opportunities to strengthen relationships. Diapering, feeding, bath time, and playtime all offer adults a chance to talk with children, laugh and smile with them, and “tune in” to children’s needs. Repeated experiences of sensitive and responsive care help shape children’s attachment relationships.

3.    Limit transitions. When children experience many transitions in caregiving during the day, they may have more difficulty feeling secure at home or childcare. By limiting the number of transitions (if possible) or smoothing out the transitions that must occur, adults can help children feel secure in their environments.

4.    Guide, rather than shame behavior. Children develop a sense of competence and worthiness based on interactions with others. When adults shame children’s behavior (How could you do that to me? Why can you never get it right?), they do little to show children other options. Guiding behavior, offering choices, and affirming the child can be more positive approaches to discipline. For example: Rather than “Stop screaming at your sister now. How would you like me to scream at you?”Try: “Ginny, screaming hurts ears and feelings. If you are mad, you can use your words or ask for my help.” (Or scream into a pillow!)

5.    Read, pretend, & play together. Storybook reading offers adults opportunities to share warm, close interactions with children—experiences that can help build positive relationships. Pretend and play offer opportunities to share emotions, conversation, and physical closeness.

6.    Think about your own feelings about relationships; Care for yourself. Valuing yourself is a key step to valuing a child and ultimately to building positive relationships with those around you. Regardless of the kinds of relationships you had with your own parents or caregivers, you can form secure relationships with children. It takes awareness and understanding on your part.

When you care for yourself—even if only briefly each day—you are acknowledging the importance of your own well being for the well being of your child or the children you care for each day. If taking care of yourself seems like an impossible task, begin by taking one minute each waking hour to close your eyes, breathe deeply, and visualize how you would like to interact with your child. This “conscious” step to parenting or caregiving can make a difference.

After a busy day, again, give yourself a chance to restore before caring for your children. Close your eyes and breathe deeply, even if just for one minute, before picking up your children from child care or walking into your home. The time you take to “center” yourself may help you guide, rather than shame, a child’s behavior, respond with empathy and care, rather than with impatience and hostility, and enable you to stay calm during a challenging situation, instead of letting it escalate into a power struggle.

7.    Identify a child’s temperament and needs and adjust your caregiving style accordingly. Children who prefer regular routines and lots of time in between activities may do best with a more structured, predictable schedule and fewer activities during the day. Instead of going to the park, the grocery store, the library, and to a friend’s for a playdate, consider sticking to naptime and mealtime at home and choosing one or two activities for the day. By comparison, a child who is more active, sociable and outgoing may do best with frequent visits to a local playground, involvement with a playgroup, and ample opportunities for more physical play.

8.    Communicate with teachers, other parents, and family members. If your child is experiencing something at home or school that may be affecting her behavior, let the adults who care for her know. The extra time or attention that they can provide during times of growth and change can make a difference.

Get READY!

What Factors Affect Children’s Relationships?

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 23:00:00 -0600

By Cynthia A. Frosch, Ph.D.

There are a variety of factors that may affect the types of relationships young children form. For example, infants who have more difficult temperaments (intense, easily distressed) may have relationships with their caregivers that are marked by more crying and a need to stay closer by. Yet, according to researchers like Alan Sroufe and Sarah Mangelsdorf, infant temperament alone does not determine whether a child will be securely attached to a parent. Children with more difficult temperaments can and do form secure relationships with their parents.

Quality of care and quality of the home environment are important factors as well and researchers tend to emphasize the role that sensitive, responsive caregiving plays in the development of secure attachment relationships. Parents who can read their babies’ cues and respond in a child-centered, supportive manner seem more likely to have children with secure attachment than do parents who are emotionally distant, intrusive, or slow to respond.

Aside from child and parent characteristics, one significant topic in recent years has been the impact of child care on children’s attachments.While earlier talk suggested that child care has a damaging affect on mother-infant relationships, more recent evidence should enable parents to breathe a (cautious) sigh of relief. Results from a large scale study involving over a thousand families across the country and funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development found that the experience of being in child care, in and of itself, does not create insecure mother-infant attachment relationships. What matters most importantly, however, is the quality of care the child experiences at home. Characteristics of the child’s child care experience are important too, but the quality of care given at home is the critical piece. So quality of care, more than care arrangements, seem to matter for children’s attachment relationships. The READY Method co-author, Margaret T. Owen, Ph.D. has studied the effects of child care extensively.

As our knowledge of young children’s attachment relationships grows, it is likely that we will have a better understanding of how child, parent, family, and environmental factors (including child care) shape the kinds of attachment relationships children develop, as well as what these early relationships mean for children’s later health, happiness, and well-being. One thing is for certain—sensitive, responsive care makes a difference in the lives of children.

For more information:

Becoming Attached by Robert Karen is perhaps one of the most remarkable achievements in the area of early attachment relationships. Although it’s a hefty book, even reading a couple of chapters is likely to impact how you think about your own early experiences, and those of the children in your life.

John Bowlby has written extensively on attachment. Included among his writings are three seminal books: Attachment, Loss, and Separation, as well as a shorter, more reader-friendly book entitled, A Secure Base.

Why Early Relationships Matter: An Overview of Attachment

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 23:00:00 -0600

By Cynthia A. Frosch, Ph.D.

When you think of how the word “attachment” is used in society, you may conjure up an image of two teenage sweethearts “attached at the hip.” You may envision Charles Schultz’s character Linus affectionately “attached” to his blanket. Or your neighbor who seems “attached” to his classic car. Despite these uses of the word attachment, when child development researchers use the word, they are referring to a specific kind of relationship—an emotional bond that exists between two people and endures over time. Historically, the focus was on an infant’s attachment relationship with his or her mother. Today, however, researchers extend the words “attachment relationship” to include children’s relationships with a variety of attachment figures such as parents, siblings, teachers, foster parents, or grandparents.

You may be wondering whether all attachment relationships are created equally. The answer, quite simply, is no. Children’s relationships with the important people in their lives differ in many ways. The emphasis is really on the quality of attachment. Researcher Mary Ainsworth was a real pioneer in this area and devoted much of her attention to identifying different types of attachment relationships that infants and mothers share. We now know that these same patterns apply to dads and other adults.

Mary Ainsworth researched secure vs. insecure attachment relationships and noted a couple of different types of insecure attachments—one where the child seems to avoid the caregiver (a type of attachment known as insecure-avoidant); another where the child seems to be angry or resistant towards the caregiver (known as insecure-resistant or insecure-ambivalent). Secure attachments, in comparison, were those in which children were comforted by contact with the attachment figure. Secure relationships enabled children to explore their surroundings, play freely, while offering a “home base” for children to return to if scared, lonely, or just needed interaction.

Do attachments make a difference in children’s lives? Absolutely. There have been hundreds of studies that have examined how children with secure attachment relationships differ from children without secure relationships. Among other things, these studies have found that compared to children with less secure attachment relationships with their parents, children with secure early attachments:

•    work harder to solve problems.
•    have higher levels of academic achievement.
•    experience richer early literacy environments.
•    share better relationships with other children.
•    feel more positively about themselves and others.
•    experience higher quality, more sensitive parenting.